I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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