That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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