I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
