whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This baby is an asshole
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Randomize
