Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My cat gives me a boner
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
