...so i touched it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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