We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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