Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
