I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
A bitchslap is in order.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
