my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
