How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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