She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
