You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
