I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
