we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
