C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
