Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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