Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
