you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
