So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
