this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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