thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
