yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
