I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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