im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
