the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
