If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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