Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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