peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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