i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
