I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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