whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
