the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
