You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You're so nebulous sometimes
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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