Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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