The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
