Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
