We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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