So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
