tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
