i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Randomize
