..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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