why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
