I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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