The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
