Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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