I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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