I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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