you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
