dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
