from now on my penis is your penis
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
